George Romero has become a household name. The Walking Dead is a phenomenal hit, both in comic stores and on television. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies began a new sub-genre of historical fiction, now containing such installments as Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters and Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, soon to be a major motion picture. Literature is published about how to survive zombie attacks. Published not only by major book publishers, but by the Environmental Protection Agency.
Why do we have such a fascination with the zombie apocalypse?
Because deep down, in the hole where we keep the secrets we don’t admit even to ourselves, we want it to happen.
Ways In Which The Zombie Apocalypse Would Be Awesome:
1. It delays the earth’s inevitable dystopian future.
In 1804, The world’s population hit 1 billion for the first time. 123 years later, it hit 2 billion. This year it hit 7 billion. At the current rate, it will hit 8 billion by 2023. This is not a secret. We’re only a few generations away from overpopulation becoming the world’s foremost problem.
How do we address it? Where do we go? Antarctica? The ocean floor? The moon? As sexy as these ideas are, a more likely solution is governmental reproductive regulation. I know, it’s unthinkable and heartless. But it’s been employed in China since 1978. Oh yes. It’s coming. Maybe not until we’re too old to care, but someday.
But who wants to think about that? Bor-ing. You want to hear another solution?
Zombies.
2. Murder without consequences.
A world overrun with zombies gives every healthy person an excuse to run amok with a shotgun, baseball bat, samurai sword, crossbow, grenade launcher, hay baler, whatever you’re into. Dead people don’t have dreams, or feelings, or children. Well, they might have children, but most likely they’ll be snapping and snarling right there next to mom and dad.
3. Everybody knows they’ll survive.
When you watch a zombie movie, who do you identify with? The endless herd of flesh-eaters, or the plucky survivors charged with repopulating the earth? For the most part, nothing seems to set the survivors apart from everybody who got eaten. They’re not billionaires, or Delta Force, or marathon runners, or canned food hoarders, or people who had the foresight to build a treehouse in Sequoia National Park. Most of them are just schmucks like the rest of us. But whatever that extra quality is that allows them to survive, everybody knows they have it. I know I do. When the zombie apocalypse comes, we won’t be the ones shuffling around drooling for brains. We’ll be on our mountain bikes (fast and quiet), with our katana blades (ideal for head removal), shotgun (emergencies only) and laundry bag (for ammo, clothing and canned food raids).
4. Zombies remind you what matters.
When zombies are outside, you worry about food, water, shelter and, above all, looking out for your people. You don’t worry about whether your DVR recorded the end of Storage Wars when your cable went out for 15 minutes. Or that you keep getting that free local newspaper in your driveway even though you don’t want it. Or that you don’t get 3G reception from your bed.
Food, water, shelter, people.
Sounds pretty nice.